i’d like to concede first everything i wrote last time. cherries, friends. a big bowl. stems and seeds, periodically, but a big bowl of sweet, delicious cherries. that’s how i am.
sometimes i become paralyzed by whatever’s in front of me. that is where things are right now. it is awfully foolish.
i was thinking today about a chapter of my life i’m not especially proud of, wherein i gave a lot of myself up, and changed a bit, and learned next to nothing — at least, not until after it had passed. one of the great loves of my life and i had written a list of rules on a napkin at a diner. i thought i was being good, but i was breaking them methodically and systematically, and i had no idea.
i’ve learned how to stop breaking those rules, but i never quite learned the lessons.
i feel a little emotionally stunted, by the way. as if there are things i just never got around to understanding. i’m starting to learn them, but heavens to betsy, it is a trying process. it seems things are not quite as straightforward as i might have hoped, or expected. or wanted. so this remains the ongoing tale of my adjustment to some new truths.