someone i care very much about told me something that surprised me the other day. she said she was impressed by my independence, my resilience. she admired it.
i wasn’t sure how to feel, because as flattered as i was, and as much as i think those things tend to be true, and are certainly more true than they once were — i am frustrated by myself when i find that they are less true than i think.
sometimes i am still so angry i can’t breathe. sometimes i’m still sad.
as it turns out, i am better than i thought at putting up a good front.
i like to tell myself how much better i am now and how much i’ve grown and all that bullshit, but i wonder if it’s all circumstantial. have i really changed, or am i just taking a break? am i just reaping the temporary benefits of fortunate circumstances?